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Brexit for Golfers

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10 Nov 2017

 

Recently - in the clubhouse of the EU golf club

David Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key when Mr Barnier, the Chairman of the Membership Committee, sees him.

"Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you are not renewing your club membership. If you would like to come to the Office we can settle your account".

"I’ve already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis..

"Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other matters that need settlement"

In Mr Barnier’s office, Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill, so wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?
 
"Well, Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one of our Club Jackets and a Club tie".

"Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a jacket and tie but I haven't received them yet. As soon as you supply the them I will send you a cheque for the full amount".

"That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one of our jackets or wear our tie!”

"But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.

"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be £500 for the jacket, and £50 for the tie. Then, there is also your bar bill".

"But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.

"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our bar is properly stocked. You regularly spent at least £50 a week in the bar, so we have placed orders with the brewery accordingly for the coming year. You therefore owe us £2600 for the year".

"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr Davis. "No, of course not Mr Davis. You are no longer a club member!" says Mr Barnier.

"Next is your restaurant bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers". "Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next year."

"I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals either" replies Mr Davis.

"No, of course not" says an irritated Mr Barnier, "you are no longer a Club Member!"

"Then,  of course," Mr Barnier continues, "There are the repairs to the Clubhouse roof".

"Clubhouse roof?" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do with me?"

"Well, it still needs to be repaired and the builders are coming in next week. Your share of the bill is £2000".

"I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".

"Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "There is Fred, the Barman's pension". "We would like you to pay £5 a week towards Fred's pension when he retires next month. He's not well you know, so I doubt we'll need to ask you for payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do it. This brings your total bill to £10,000" says Mr Barnier.

"Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "You want me to pay £500 for a jacket and tie you won't let me have, £2600 for beverages you won't let me drink and £3600 for food you won't let me eat, all this under a roof I won't be allowed under and further not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"

"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says Mr Barnier.

"Go away - sexually" says Mr Davis

Now we do understand what Brexit is all about?
 

 

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